12. Did the Pandemic really just teach me that? (Part 2)

To save you from too much of my cathartic ramblings in one go, I decided to spilt up the post on ‘lessons learned from the Pandemic’. So, following on from my last post ’Did the Pandemic really just teach me that (Part 1) – here are a few more observations and realisations we need to make sure we don’t forget when we start to make the shift back to the familiar ways of the past.

Food glorious food… oh, and drink… don’t forget drink!

With nothing else to do… and nowhere else to go a lot of people, myself included, are eating their way through quarantine. I mean, how else do you break up your day? In our house it’s - breakfast first thing, then it’s about making it to the mid-morning snack. Then it’s only a short skip to lunch. After that it’s the last flurry of activity before the afternoon snack and the subsequent wind down until dinner. Basically ‘nom nom nom nom nom’. All – day - long. If this doesn’t sound familiar, and before you judge me too harshly, remember, I am currently working a 6 meals a day kind of routine, eating healthfully and working out lots (see ‘2 Small Steps’ post). Anyway, even if you’re not having as many ‘nutrition breaks’ (as I’m going to choose to call them) in your day I bet the importance you place on meals has intensified. They have become the pick me up to keep you motivated... the carrot dangled to get you through the day. Slice of cake at coffee time?... don’t mind if I do. Glass of wine with dinner… sure, why not. Glass of wine at lunch, hell… we’re in lockdown, surely that’s reason enough? It’s a slippery slope, and while it’s important to keep fuelled and give yourself a much needed pick me up, you don’t want to come out of lockdown with 10kg of extra ‘you’... do you?

I think a lot of people are conscious of this, and after an initial few weeks maxing out a daily 400 steps just going back and forth to the fridge, trying to adjust to the new reality and retreating into the comfort and false pleasure of indulgence - most seem to have adjusted to their increased consumption by thinking a lot more about the type of food they are eating. So, more food, but without the added inches to the waistline?... Winner! Why didn’t I think of this before? Money that was spent on outings, or in bars and coffee shops is suddenly being spent at the supermarket, on foods that we never bought prior to all this. This was amplified by the short spell when the shelves were bare… so we had to adapt… think outside the box. We’ve tried new foods, adapted old recipes to suit what’s in the cupboard… hell, we’ve created new recipes. Now that they are fully stocked again, we want a varied selection of food to cover any eventuality. We’ve made soups from scratch, and cooked with immune boosting ingredients with intention - ‘never had it before… great, it’s the perfect time to try’… ‘how many types of melon are there?’... ‘the kids might actually enjoy kale’ – too far?

It’s not only the types of foods either; with limited trips to the shops we are forced to think about meals in advance, plan ahead, think about shelf life and balancing our diet over the week instead of just day by day.It’s a food revolution, an awakening about how we shop and what we put in our bodies - which will hopefully become a positive legacy from this otherwise chaotic time.

If you can’t go outside… go inside

Ok, so a lot of people probably know, or at least think they know themselves… what makes them sad, what makes them anxious, what makes them grin with delight and what makes them lose their sh#t and scream like a demented banshee! How many of you have had to catch yourself in the past from ‘losing it’ over the most insignificant of your kids misdemeanours because you felt overwhelmed, over worked, under-appreciated and generally stressed out of your tree? Fortunately this was not a revelation that has come out of lockdown for me, and I was already aware I had some work to do here, so had previously created a positive series of routines and practices prior to the world falling apart to COVID-19. The steps I had taken, like journaling and meditation, were all with a view to becoming a better father, husband and generally incredible human being, and without these in place and the progress I have already made in this regard, this whole lockdown experience could have become something more akin to a budget 80s movie – less ‘The Breakfast Club… more ‘Death Race 2000’ (and yes I realise that was in the 70s).

The point is, the importance of mental health and well-being is being highlighted in almost every household just now, as for the first time in, well, possibly ever, we are being forced to slow down. The pace of life is not what it was and with that there is a peacefulness and a discomfort that we might actually have time to think… to ask questions like – ‘am I always this tired?, or ‘why am I always shouting?’ and ‘what am I so anxious about?’ Whatever questions come to mind they will surely be worth trying to answer. With the background noise thankfully muted you’re finally getting to experience a bit of that work-life balance you’ve heard people talk about so positively. Are you feeling it yet? No… why not?

I’ve already talked about journaling and the positive impact it can have on identifying aspects of your thinking that might not be serving you (see ‘So I’m becoming one of those guys’ post’). But with this forced slow down, along with the natural anxieties a lot of people will be feeling due to this health pandemic, the benefits of being a bit more mindful are becoming apparent. There is a need to ask ourselves questions about how to stay calm and focussed, how not to let everything overwhelm us, how to be a strong role model for our families in the face of a crisis. For our kids especially, you realise how fragile they can be and how important it is to make sure they feel safe and secure regardless of what’s going on outside.

In a nutshell, we all have issues that we would benefit from questioning, but we’re always just too busy. Too busy to address them, or sometimes to busy to even realise they exist. Now these are being exposed, we can take advantage of this time to become better, to move towards a more positive state of mind, and put in place strategies to help us cope and deal with whatever internal dialogue we’ve identified as holding us back. So, what will you do when lockdown ends? Will you jump right back into the race and return to the version of you who doesn’t have time to question their thoughts and actions. Or will you realise that your mental health impacts every part of your life and prioritise it?

Come Together

I live on a short street of about 18 properties. We’ve lived here for a year and a half, and know most of our neighbours, at least to say a passing hello to. Up until now I would not have described it as a particularly friendly street with people tending to keep to themselves, however with the outbreak of COVID-19, the simple gesture of popping a kind note through the door has brought us all together in a way that 3 months ago seemed implausible. The offer was simple – ‘if you need anything, just let me know and I will do my best’. This thoughtful neighbour single-handedly changed the sense of community on an entire street with a quick, hand scribbled note. A ‘Whatsapp’ group quickly followed, messages were exchanged, dare I even say a joke or two shared. We had, to some extent, become a street ‘combined’ by our circumstances which brought forward a willingness to help one another in the face of this adversity. Who knew? At a time when out there, in the wider world people seemed ready to crawl over each other for the last toilet roll… (and had it not been for fear of catching something they maybe would have)… our street came together in an unprecedented show of support. But, the most inspiring part of it all is that we were not alone in this. I mean, how many stories have you heard about communities pulling together to help each other out, whether is making sure more vulnerable people have everything they need, food banks popping up, or even just the simple act of cheering for our first responders on a Thursday evening. Business too have been stepping up to the plate, helping to ensure medical supplies arrive at hospitals, food is on the shelves at supermarkets, and hand sanitiser is available to all – thanks Brewdog!

When you’re cut off from… well, everyone – family, friends, yes, even work colleagues... you realise pretty quickly that you miss that human connection. For those of you who have your families on your doorstep and parents who take the kids for an hour or two every day then yeah… I imagine you’re probably feeling a lot of love for your folks right now. We live a 5 hour drive from my parents, and a boat or flight away from my wife’s… and we don’t see our families as often as we would like, but even then, the fact we can’t has heightened our sense of isolation. Our kids, who are used to a constant stream of social interaction are suddenly stuck with just Mummy and Daddy… and us with them… and we’re the lucky ones. I mean, they have each other and both parents to help stave off their destructive tendencies. There are plenty of people who rely more on the outside world than us, and the human connections they depend on. Thankfully, Skype, Facetime, Whatsapp and now Zoom have stepped in to fill the breach. Have you ever spent as much time staring at a small picture of yourself in the bottom corner of your i-pad? How many quizzes have you done in the last two weeks alone? How often have you been able to subtly cheat in those quizzes with a cleverly placed ‘off screen’ smartphone?... ahem. Anyway, you’re probably making more time for people than ever before. Ok, it’s not the best quality time, and it’s not the same as actually hanging out, but half of these people you probably wouldn’t have seen during this time anyway… and now you’ve Skyped them twice in the last month!

This time apart from everything is highlighting what we miss, and just as importantly… what we don’t. As things slowly start to move towards the conventional, we should really focus on the quality of the connections we have missed, and the time we put into the relationships that matter most. Tell your dad you love him. That’s right… tell your manly, emotionally unavailable dad that you love him… because you do. Give your gran a hug… because you can. Tell your friends that you missed them... because they’ve missed you too. And at the end of all this, don’t forget the people you’ve been ‘trapped’ with - you’ve learned a lot about them… and what makes them smile... so keep it up!