23. Every Hero needs an Origin Story

Bruce Wayne decided to fight crime after witnessing the murder of his parents, and so the 'antihero' Batman was born. Peter Parker stepped aside to allow a criminal to escape… a criminal who then went on to kill his uncle, making Peter vow to never stand aside again. Tony Stark, after being kidnapped, saw first-hand where 'Stark' weapons ended up and the devastation they caused, so in a bid to undo some of the damage he donned the suit of Iron man.

So, what is your back story? Why did you start… you know… trying to be better? I realise by comparison ‘being better’ sounds bit lame. But I’m no Batman, or Spiderman or Iron man. I didn’t suffer a dramatic, comic book worthy revelation, no superpowers where bestowed and my utility belt has a pocket for screws and somewhere to put a hammer. I don't even have that transformation story that you see everywhere... no fat to thin makeover, no rags to riches story. It is because of these absences that I've always felt my story wasn't worth telling… that I had no backstory to explain my current mission. I mean, given the context, what have I got to shout about?

I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling like that, and while I’m not one for comparing, it’s hard to think anyone will be overly interested in a story that starts and ends with a pretty ordinary guy becoming, well, at this stage, a bit less ordinary. I mean, even that is subjective… the newer me may still seem extremely ordinary to someone ‘less ordinary’, if you catch my meaning. On top of that, if you are like me, then you have also tended to minimise the successes you do have and play down any victories. Or to put it another way, you explain away your heroic moments as nothing special... after all, how could I possibly be the protagonist of a story worth telling. Not when Bill over there lost 200lbs in 6 months, whilst studying to become a brain surgeon and running a non-profit to help under privileged kids. He's a hero... I just stopped settling for the ordinary.

For example, I recently I started having cold showers 6 days a week... allowing myself a hot shower on Sundays, thereby amplifying my cheat day indulgence. This initially started months ago... almost a year ago in fact after I read about Tony Robbins, an author, coach, speaker, philanthropist and giant in the world of self-development, taking a cold plunge every morning without fail. In a nutshell, I liked the basic premise he imbued of teaching your body to react when your mind told it to... or as Tony eloquently puts it, you are teaching your body that - "When I say go... we go!". So, in the absence of a plunge pool a cold shower seemed to be the next best thing. I started setting the shower to cold and stepping in... almost incanting the words - 'when I say go, we go'. Then after a minute or so I'd twist the valve to hot and enjoy the flood or warmth that would quickly envelop me... satisfied with my efforts to remind my body that my brain was ultimately in charge. Recently however I have upped the ante, and now have full length, cold showers, controlling my breathing amidst the cold cascade, scrubbing my face, washing my hair etc all in freezing cold water. It started as a random notion one day and I was absolutely buzzing when I stepped out after that first unplanned cold plunge substitute. More so after I reached day six and had still not had a hot shower and was beginning to think about some of the other health benefits a cold shower can offer (see Cold Shower Benefits for a snapshot of some of these). Anyway, fast forward a couple of weeks and it’s still going strong, so much so that I had a rare moment of pride in what I had achieved. Then, right on cue came my inner monologue with nothing useful to contribute and trying to rob me of my victory. “Get over yourself... I mean all you've done is take a few cold showers... big deal. Stop acting like you've actually done something, I mean, millions of people have cold showers every day, and some don't have a choice”. Now, I'm not saying that none of this is true... for the most part it is – but here we are right back at my 'lack of an underdog story’ issue. My - 'I don't deserve a victory' mentality that makes my story worthy of an audience. Granted, I’m not doing anything that lots of people aren’t doing every day without fanfare, but similarly, there are lots of people to whom stepping into a cold shower is torture… physical and mental torture. Give it a go… see for yourself. Anyway, this comparison against comic book and Instagram transformation stories makes it hard to enjoy the positive strides you make.... the steps you are taking towards being incredible (which is the ultimate goal - a goal which by the way I see as constantly evolving and therefore with no end - again, that's a whole thesis in itself so maybe for another time). You know that something has gone awry when you find yourself looking at severely overweight people and thinking, albeit briefly - 'I wish I was fatter... then my transformation would be more inspirational'. Don't get me wrong, the reality of that misguided and fleeting thought would probably give a psychologist plenty of food for thought... with questions about a need for external validation and self-image being at the forefront - but there are also a couple of less insidious aspects to it. (1) I am actually proud of what I am achieving, so much so that I have the audacity to assume I would still be the pinnacle of health I am now (ahem) and would simply be able to demonstrate my success better, and (2) I want to inspire, like all good heroes (I’m not going to lie, that last line was a source of torment… as again my inner voice offered up “how arrogant do you sound right now”).

Now, every hero needs a villain… an enemy with whom they often share a complicated, almost love-hate relationship. At the very least there is often a shared experience or understanding that brings them together in a seemingly unique way. They are all at once part of the hero and yet their kryptonite! As it is with my enemy. Well, at least one of them. You’ve met them already… and I call him Frank. Ok, I don’t actually call it Frank, but I think it helps to give things a name. It helps give the enemy some corporeal form and allows you to distance yourself from it a bit. Not enough to be free of it, but enough to realise that it’s not you… not entirely. ‘Frank’ then, is what I’m calling this particular voice in my mind, the one that tries to steal my victories, big and small. The one that doesn’t want me to have a win because for whatever reason Frank doesn’t think I deserve it. Now I’d love to just say, F#ck you Frank… I’m going to celebrate every success, or as Joseph McClelland 3rd says, there should be ‘No Celebration Left Behind' (NCLB). However, Frank has been around for a long time, and is not so easily dismissed. Looking back, iterations of Frank have been around since I was young. I’m not sure where I was introduced to him, or whether he was always there, but he has impacted my thoughts and decisions to at least some extent throughout my life and plays a big part (although not solely responsible) in any lack of confidence I feel as an adult. I mean, in basic terms, confidence is like a muscle, it's not simply you have it or ou don't, it something that needs to be built and strengthened over time. One of the ways that confidence can be built is by trying new things and pushing yourself outside what’s familiar - sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing. Then imagine you have a voice that really celebrates those wins and rewards you accordingly. That same voice might also pick you up when things don’t go so well, celebrating the effort and the bravery it took to take on a new challenge and push beyond your comfort zone. Now imagine that voice doesn't really celebrate your wins, and in fact manages to downplay them and explain them away as just something that anybody can do. Worse still, when you fail it basically says, ‘told you so’. You can imagine how over a long period of time that might wear you down and hinder future risk-taking potential. Not to put too fine a point on it, this can impact the decision making of an entire lifetime. Afterall, which of these voices is likely to encourage you to take a chance on a new career… or take the shot at goal in the dying seconds of a game… or move to another country in the hope of adventure? To hark back to my earlier posts – if your thoughts create your feelings, and your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results… then ‘Frank’ has at least a small part to play in my current results… ie: the me of today… the one trying to become incredible, but who still leaves some celebrations behind and who has to work extra hard to make sure I don’t let opportunities pass me by. On the other hand, I now know Frank is there, and like I’ve mentioned before, just noticing what is going on in your mind, what limiting beliefs you have, what thoughts pass by unchecked, is the first step to challenging these issues. So, now, when I hear myself (sorry, I mean Frank) trying to rain on my parade I pat myself on the back that little bit harder, I might even give myself a high 5.

So, whether your backstory measures up to a Netflix documentary, or an Instagram post with 10k likes, it is still your hero's origin story. Embrace it and realise that a helluva lot of people are just like you... caught somewhere in the ‘ordinary world’, between the familiar self (whoever that happens to be) and their heroic self. It doesn’t matter what minor tragedy kicked you into action, how seemingly benign the catalyst - you can be an inspiration just by deciding to risk the unusual and not settle for the ordinary.