15. How did this all start? - 5 Year Plan

So, this all started a while ago now, and it's hard to say exactly how it all came about. It’s not like I just woke up one morning and decide 'meh, I'm going to try to be incredible from now on'. No, there was a long… long spell of being unhappy with how things were going but being too busy with the daily grind to think too much about 'why'. I was becoming someone… hell, I already was someone I didn’t like. As I’ve said too many times to count in these posts… I was not the father or husband or friend I wanted to be. Again, for the sake of my family who might read this and think I’m being too hard on myself… I was not a monster. I was not some cheating, abusive dead beat who took everyone for granted. Rather, I’d set a high bar for who I wanted to be… what I wanted to achieve, and I was gradually sinking further and further away from being able to reach for that bar. With every passing birthday the idea that there is still plenty of time started to feel more like a crude affirmation... a lie I was telling myself to excuse my lack of action. The arrival of my ‘little people’ only amplified this feeling of disappointment, as it allowed me a new set of benchmarks, along with career and personal achievements, against which to rate my successes… or lack thereof. I was discontent, and arguably pretty miserable. However, despite this, I would have appeared pretty ‘normal’ to those around me, being amiable with friends, and being the same old opinionated ass around those who knew me well. So while I would not have been considered a disaster, I would not have been the life and soul of any party.

Anyway, there came a point when I’d had a fair amount of 'something has to change' conversations with regard to what I'm doing with my life. The feeling of treading water in my career and being generally angry all the time had finally reached a crescendo in my head, and in truth it was probably taking its toll on my relationship with my wife. Partly because there is only so much you can listen to someone complain - without them taking action - that anyone can handle, and partly because my wife had her own reservations about her direction in life, which my constant grumbling had brought to the surface. She was trying to process her own thoughts of dissatisfaction and beginning to ask questions at a time when I was relentless in my articulation of my own frustrations.

While our relationship was never in jeopardy… and we have thankfully always been an incredibly supportive couple, we did have some serious conversations about our future and what we wanted to be doing... because god knows we didn't want to still be milling away in office jobs until the day we finally retired... crippled from years of poor 'desk posture'. But where do you start? What do you do if you decide that…actually… you would quite like to become the life and soul of the party?

It was my wife, who is called Aimie by the way, that came across the idea of a five-year plan when browsing online. Not thinking too much about it, she forwarded me an email with a link to a webpage, no other text, no description, or explanation… just the simple subject line ‘Some reading to get us started’.

At that point I think she had only had a cursory glance over the webpage and what it was advocating… and with nothing to lose and wanting to feel like we were finally taking steps to ‘change something’ it was as good a place to start as any. Now whether it was luck, or just Aimie’s intuition about what I needed to help me move forward at that time… she nailed it! This article was just what I was needing. It was an article written by a ‘Life Coach’ in Chicago called Natalie Bacon (https://nataliebacon.com), and was an outline of how to create a 5 year plan.

Under the title - ‘Why You Need to Create a Five Year Plan’ she states:

This resonated with me… after all, I don’t want to stay right where I am… I don’t want more of the same.

She goes on to say:

That was it… I’m in!

Now, at this point I was desperate to see a light on the horizon… something to give me hope that there was another way… another future I could pursue - so I wouldn’t have to just keep going in the vague hope I had somehow just misplaced my sense of fulfilment and it would turn up again soon… I mean, it’s probably just hiding under the pile of paper on my desk… right?

The premise was simple. You break your life down into a number of categories, and you write – without thinking or judging – what you want for the next five years. These categories might be slightly different for everyone, but there will be some obvious overlaps that everyone will need to consider. I have listed the categories I chose to start with below, which are a slight variation on those suggested in the article:

-  Health

-  Relationships

-  Money

-  Career / Business

-  Personal / Spiritual

-  Environment / space / home

-  Recreation / Fun

There are 2 key elements to this stage;

Think big! This is not the time to curtail your vision or limit your dreams. This is just about getting it down on paper, so you can see what it is you genuinely want from life… if you dare to let yourself dream.

And secondly, be as detailed as you can... as descriptive as possible, so you have a clear and vivid image of the person you want to be. What are you wearing?... how is your health?... where are you living?… Jeez… even how much money do you have in your wallet / purse? The more detail, the better.

This can be trickier than it all sounds, especially if you are like me and struggle with not knowing your ‘how’. Cue ‘step 2’ in the process. This is about the realisation that this process will likely bring up some negative emotion. The fear about what you might be writing. The doubt that comes from allowing yourself to dream. You have probably made it to this point in your life by deciding what you want, then making a plan on how to get it. The ‘how’ is probably your main concern because if there is not a clear ‘how’ then what’s the point? However, creating a five year plan needs you to forget the how. It’s counter intuitive to what you know. But remember, what you know has got you to a place where you want to change… where you’re reading self-development articles about changing your life and creating a five-year plan! Besides, your supposed to be thinking big… letting yourself dream, probably for the first time in a long, long time. There is no room for how. No room to doubt your ability to get there before you’ve even decided where ‘there’ is. In brief, you can’t let your aspirations for the future be based on your doubt from the present and an inability to see a clear route to your goals. If the route was clear… the ‘how’ simple, then you would be there already. I found this to be the hardest aspect of the whole thing… letting go of the ‘how’ and daring to dream a little. Even then, I’m sure I could have dreamed bigger… really aimed for the stars, but there was only so much I was able to silence the voice that was screaming about ‘being realistic’.

I won’t walk you through the whole process, mainly because I would just be regurgitating the information on Natalie Bacons website. But the first two steps described above are an incredible place to start, as they are concerned with actually creating the plan itself - with the later stages being more focussed on creating the road map to help yourself begin to ‘think’ like your future self. So, begin by just writing the plan… getting it down on paper. Spend time really thinking about who you want to be... get the image of the ‘future you’ clear in your head. Then, with this strong vision in mind, you need to try to really imagine yourself as that person. Now. In real time. How would it feel to be that person? What would they be thinking? It’s a good idea to try and create moments in the day to reflect on this to make sure you are doing it regularly and automatically. Maybe every morning in the shower – take time to reflect on how the future you would approach the day ahead? Really try to embody that image… their thoughts, feelings, aspirations. Consume media that they would read or listen to. If you currently read trashy magazines or tabloid newspapers, but the future you is more into podcasts and broadsheets, then just start. Find a podcast and stick it on. See… you’re already closer to that future you! If you’re journaling, then think about journaling as your future self. What would they write down? How would they be thinking and reflecting on their day? And if you’re not journaling… read my post ‘So, I’m becoming one of those guys’… and start a dang journal.

Identify one aspect in your five-year plan and put into place a plan on how you can begin to move towards that goal. Is the future you super fit with 6 pack abs?… then make a plan on how you are going to achieve it. Note: it won’t be by doing nothing for four and a half years than frantically working out for six months. If you want to be in a different career, then plan out how you will cultivate that change. Do you need to re-train or learn new skills?

Don’t try to tackle everything at once. You don’t want to quickly become overwhelmed by all the changes you are trying to implement and find yourself torn between two aspirations. Just pick one to prioritize and focus on making it a reality. Once that’s well on it’s way, and incorporated into your new daily routine, then look at another aspect to work on.

Little by little you will see yourself becoming that person who seemed so far off… that version of yourself who only existed as a hypothetical vision in your head. It was a huge eye opener for me, and an incredible place to start my journey to being a better me… the best me… the me I described in great detail in my five year plan.