17. Be Exceptional - Find the Route Around

We always have a mountain of things to do, whether it’s work, looking after the kids and all their classes and activities, meal planning and shopping… not to mention just keeping on top of household chores and the occasional DIY repair. No wonder we struggle to find the energy to exercise, journal or meditate. MEDITATE?!... I mean, who the hell has time to meditate!... I have two young kids and a full-time job… and a dog… and an endless stream of demands on my time, and, and, and…

However, some people with families… and jobs… and all that other stuff – still manage to do it. Not only that, but they’re the same people who manage to go to the gym regularly… eat healthy meals and try new recipes, and still have the energy to go out for drinks at the weekend. What is it that they’re doing that I’m not? They must have help… a cleaner, and cook, free childcare… right?

The truth is, they are MAKING the time to do theses things. They are prioritising differently and that allows them to show up for themselves… which inadvertently helps them show up better everywhere else too. They are also the people who don’t make excuses or procrastinate. They have mastered some really beneficial life skills that allow them to move forward with purpose. So, while it would take a lot more than this article to walk through the various life skills that we should all be improving to allow us to ‘show up’ for ourselves better, there are a few things we can identify now that are f**cking things up.

Thinking you don’t have enough time

So… to reiterate… because it’s a big one:

If your someone who feels constantly stressed because your chasing your tail, running form one task to the other, barely getting 10 seconds to yourself, and who feels the need to multi task all the time just to keep on top of the basics then you’re probably not going to appreciate me telling you that it’s simple… you DO have enough time to do more. I mean, we all have the same amount of time. I have the same as you, and we both have the same as Oprah or Mark Zuckerberg. So, we need to stop telling ourselves we don’t have time because that narrative… that story we’re telling oursleves actually helps create the illusion of no time. The more you tell yourself that, the more you feel like it’s true. But if you were to really focus and analyse how you spend your time, without being defensive, you’d probably find that there is a lot of it… well… just not being used productively… or at least not as productively as it could be. That’s not suggesting you’re not working hard, the opposite in fact – you’re working harder than you need to on things that shouldn’t demand all your energy, leaving you with nothing left in the tank to go and do the things you know will help you ‘grow’. So, remind yourself, often, that you do have enough time, and that it’s not really about that anyway - it’s about your mindset, the story you tell yourself, and time management.

Not having a plan

It’s a mistake to not have a plan. In fact, having a plan… with everything timetabled out is the secret to success. I mean, to succeed - you make a plan and then you follow through. Simple huh? Ok, there’s a bit more to it, but not much. Anyway, if you leave your decision making to chance or you leave things ‘open’ so you can decide later, then you’re setting yourself up to fail. In the moment, your brain will seek out pleasure and comfort… it’s what it does. It keeps you alive, which for a large part means doing what’s familiar… after all, you’ve done it before and survived so it knows it’s safe. It’s a remnant from a time when our brains needed to be on high alert, our hunter gatherer phase when new often meant dangerous, and while things have moved on somewhat, our primitive brain still operates in this basic survival way. So, if you don’t have a plan, you’re forcing your brain to make a choice… in the moment - 'do I do this new, challenging and uncomfortable thing' (self-development, exercise, learning something new) or 'do I retreat back to a place of comfort and pleasure' (go back to bed, go get a coffee and not exercise… but I’ll do it tomorrow… promise). You’ll need a helluva lot of motivation to overcome this part of your brain if you’re making decisions as you go… and how sustainable is that really? So, plan for resistance… you know your brain is going to put up a fight. You won’t want to do ‘it’, what ever ‘it’ is, in the moment… but don’t let that mean anything. Instead, have a plan… commit to yourself, then simply follow through.

Scheduling big tasks

Now that you’re timetabling your goals, and reducing the need for on the spot motivation, you need to make sure you don’t get overwhelmed. Afterall, a calendar packed full of life changing, unfamiliar tasks would be quite daunting for anyone. So, set small goals so your brain doesn’t freak out. You wouldn’t timetable ‘get super fit’, even if that is your ultimate goal… instead you schedule a 3k run or 20 min HIIT workout. Whatever your level, set the bar to push yourself, but not so much that your brain panics, and looks for evidence to suggest you can’t do it. If your brain wants to find evidence to allow you to retreat into comfort it will find it. Like any task you do you need to make it appear manageable, otherwise there’s a good chance it will seem insurmountable. Depending what you do for a living you might find you are already doing this with your work. As an architect, when working on larger projects that involve a lot of drawing work for approval applications, I wouldn’t write a to do list that simply said – ‘do Building Warrant’. No, I’d break it down into more manageable chunks – ‘draw ground floor plan’, source window specification, liaise with Engineer’. These tasks are all actionable… and reduce the possibility of overwhelm and subsequently in-action.

Not planning for obstacles

You already know life has a way of putting up barriers, or distractions that have so far prevented you from reaching your full potential. These come in many forms, and sometimes it can be as simple as feeling like ‘I don’t know how to do that’… or ‘I don’t have time for that’… or ‘I don’t have the money to do that’. You know these obstacles, or something similar, are going to arise at some point so you need to plan for them and create strategies to allow you to keep moving forward, despite these roadblocks. Now I’m not suggesting this is easy, as some of these obstacles can seem pretty significant, but on the flip side, consider what is at stake? Do you really want to become the best version of you?... take that course?... invest in you and your future? If so, then you can’t let these obstacles stop you, so you need to develop strategies for dealing with them. ‘I don’t know how to do that’… ok, well how do you find out more about it, where can you learn from, who can you speak to, which books would help? ‘I don’t have time for that’… nu-uh… we’ve just talked about this. Make time. Get up at 5am if you have to. It’s not going to be forever, just a short period of your life, and it’s for a best reason imaginable – to get you where you want to go. ‘I don’t have the money to do that’… bummer, but how can I create some extra cash? Is there anything I can sell, a side-hustle I can develop for a while to bring in a little extra dough… where can I cut back my expenses? Again, it’s not for forever, and if it gets you to your goals then surely it’s a small sacrifice to make.

Procrastination

Now, I don’t know if there’s a prize for procrastination, but if there is then I’d throw my hat into the ring. In fact… hold on, let me go check if there is…

Ok, there doesn’t appear to be. Anyway, where was I…

For clarity, ‘procrastination is when we intentionally and habitually put off something that should be done – even though we know delaying it can only lead to negative outcomes’. And what’s the end result? Do you feel better at the end of the day when you realise that somehow you’ve managed to avoid actually actioning anything on you to do list? Or, do you feel guilty, even ashamed? Are you a procrastinator? Be careful, because there a lot of different ways this may apply to you; Do you ignore tasks and let them grow out of control because you’re doing the things you’d rather do? Or do you busy yourself with lots of unimportant tasks, so outwardly you appear super busy, all the while ignoring the one important task that needs done? Alternatively (and this one applies to me) do you spend all your time planning what you need to do, but not actually doing anything? Maybe you make a list of the tasks you’ve already completed so you can tick them off and pretend you’ve had a productive day?

Whatever type of procrastinator you are, be aware of it so you can stop yourself from falling into the same old traps.

There are probably loads more reasons you can think of that help you to rationalise your lack of action on the things you want to achieve in life, but in the simplest of terms – the only person losing is you. So, make sure you ask the right questions, and see if you brain can come up with some answers. Prioritise you… make time for what matters… make a plan of attack… don’t freak yourself out… expect obstacles… and stop finding excuses.