3. Growing

I am currently waiting on an operation for a cyst in my jaw. I have been assured that the operation will be painful, so needless to say I am really looking forward to that?! But I think it was this small uncertainty, and question over my health that made me determined to make some changes in my life. The reason I say this is because I came back from that dentist appointment and wrote a letter to my daughters. Now keep in mind, that I have never written a letter to anyone since I was a kid at school and forced to have a pen-pal, and until now have never written a blog or been active on social media. I think I have one tweet to my name, which was a link to a friend’s ‘wild hut’ adventures. When my kids came along, I also set up email addresses for them, thinking that I would send them messages from time to time, which they could read when they are older. A lovely idea, but almost 5 years later and not a single email has been sent. Anyway, the point is, within 10 minutes of my appointment I wrote the below letter:

Now I appreciate that this may seem like an overreaction to a lot of people, but for me this was the first time I had ever really thought that there’s a chance I don’t’ have time to make all the changes I want to make, and be the person I want to be for my family. It’s only really since my kids came along that I decided I want and need to be better. Sure, I’ve resented my vocation for a lot longer than that but it’s all too easy to just plod on, thinking about a brighter future without actually doing anything about it. There always feels like there’s plenty of time, no matter how often you hear platitudes like ‘you could get hit by a bus tomorrow’ or ‘life’s too short’. However, for me, the mention of cancer, and certainty of an operation in the near future changed that feeling, and suddenly there was nowhere near enough time. This was followed swiftly by an intense stress that I had to act now…. I had wasted too much time…I’m too old…and frustration that I’d waited as long as I did. I should have decided to be a better human being years ago!

The good news is that is never too late.

As suggested in my last post, I have started to get myself in shape, making small changes to my routine. I get up early, do 15-20 mins of HIIT training (Joe Wicks and YouTube has that covered), and I’m now joining a gym so I can start trying to build up some proper muscle. If you know me, then I’ve been talking about doing this for the best part of 6 years! Even with this I’ve been slipping back into old, comfortable thinking patterns, finding reasons to postpone joining – I need to research which exercises are best, maybe I’ll wait until after my operation (which currently has not been scheduled) etc. Just start. The rest will follow!

I’ve also started placing some constraints on my eating and diet, even adopting the ‘Rocks’ cheat day approach (I realise he didn’t invent this, but it was his epic cheat day meals that got me psyched about this idea). Now it’s worth mentioning that everyone is different with different goals, so this might not work for you if losing weight is a goal, but for me it added a welcome level of constraint that minimised my thinking about food for most of the week, with one day that I let loose. I could go on about why this works for me, but I’ll come back to this some other time. I do however, love it!

The point is, it’s only been two months, and I’m already seeing the benefits, both physically and mentally. So, my theory is, if I can change my thinking and my body as much as I have in 2 months, then imagine what I can achieve over the next 5 years. Even in thinking this, I’ve already I’ve reached a level of optimism that was previously missing from my personality.