4. People are Sh#t!

That’s right…people are shit. That's been my unintentional mantra for quite a few years now. When I say mantra, I'm not actively trying to reinforce this idea, but it's unnerving how many times I've uttered those three words in day to day exchanges. I know what you’re thinking, 'he must be a delightful conversationalist!' What is it they say....'most people are inherently good?'. I'm sincerely trying to believe that, but more often you are met with evidence to the contrary. Not in big ways.... there are no comic book villains hatching dastardly plans. No, it's just the little things – the selfish parents abandoning their cars at the school drop off, or the ruthless skirmish at a black Friday sale, the miserable barista who makes you feel like a thief when you redeem your accumulated free coffee (this wound is still fresh), or the young couple you see spring from their car…parked care free in the parent and child space at the supermarket. If you're like I am (I’m still at the start of my 'being a better human' journey) then these small things add up and you start to only see the bad in people and assume their motivations are always self-serving. However, what I've come to realise more recently is my negative mentality in these moments is my issue. I can't blame anyone else for how I choose to 'feel' about these interactions. Why do I let these things bother me so much? Why do I seem to have an involuntary burst of rage at these moments, even when I actively try to head it off with positive reasoning - 'maybe they have a hospital appointment and are just parking there this one time?!' Other people seem to accept these as just part of life, without the need to stand up on their soap box and cry injustice.

"You see, these negative thoughts create our negative feelings, which in turn create more negative thoughts.... which then make more of the negative chemicals and create more negative feelings....in a perpetual loop of negativity"

I’ve come to realise that I've actually programmed my body to react to these scenarios. I've created a habit...and worse than that it's a habit that brings no joy to my life. So now my body responds, creating the cocktail of negative chemicals, before my mind has had a chance to think - I feel frustrated or unhappy without even consciously thinking about why? I've been reading work from Dr Joe Dispenza, an international lecturer, researcher and educator in neuroscience, who talks about how we need to 'break the habit of being yourself'...and reprogram our minds to ignore these comfortable, familiar thought patterns. You see, these negative thoughts create our negative feelings, which in turn create more negative thoughts.... which then make more of the negative chemicals and create more negative feelings....in a perpetual loop of negativity.

Surely it is possible, if not necessary to change this if you want to grow as a person and move beyond the frustrations of your current life? Dr Joe says you can… and the first step is to become aware of these negative thoughts and the undesirable habits we have created.

Here’s a good place to start. Our lives, for the most part, are pretty routine. We get up at the same time, on the same side of the bed, wash the same way, pull together the same 'game face' of makeup and uniform. We eat the same breakfast, then jump on the same train to do the same journey, seeing the same people, having the same interactions, go to the same office etc. How does all this make you feel? You see, the problem arises from this routine when part or all of it becomes negative, and the repetitive nature of it allows your body to stop asking permission from your brain to respond in a ‘don’t worry brain, I got this’ kind of way. In this way, the daily exposure to these small negative interactions eventually become a pre-programmed response....so every morning you'll experience a flood of these negative emotions whether your fully conscious of them or not. For me, one of the obvious culprits is the school drop off, where every morning I’ve become aware of this flood of resentment towards some of the other parents. As you’d imagine, there’s an endless stream of cars fighting for the few spaces nearest the school gates, with cars puling over without warning, or being abandoned on the road, parking rules and signs being flouted, driveways being blocked. Now, I get it, I mean it is Scotland after all so the weather is usually not on your side and limiting how far you have to walk in the pouring rain makes sense. What I struggle with is the choices some other parents seem to make, I mean, 'what makes them feel so important that they get to do whatever they want?'. Alternatively, are we really all so lazy that we’ll risk actual safety and create obstacles for everyone else to overcome just to save a 20 metre walk? It's the same every morning, and I would still suggest these are valid points, but should I be allowing this to pull me into such a negative mindset? Should I have let it get to the point that my body is so familiar with this irritability that it doesn’t need my brains permission to make me unhappy? Afterall, what do I gain? The other parents couldn't care less about by silent judgement and condemnation....so what am I actually doing other than subconsciously making myself miserable?

"I want to grow beyond the autopilot of negative emotion and disrupt the perpetual loop of negativity"

It’s only now that I am able to take a step back and be conscious of my thoughts at these moments, and in doing so I plan to re-address my bodies emotional response...and break this negative habit. I want to grow beyond the autopilot of negative emotion and disrupt the perpetual loop of negativity. If my thoughts create my feelings, and my feelings create my actions, and my actions create my results (more on this when I’ve got it nailed) then becoming mindful of my thoughts, and pushing for more positive beliefs is surely the first step on a the road to being a better human being. So, start paying attention to your thoughts…really pay attention. Is your body in charge more than you realise?